The Final Debate

Or; Don't Blame me, I voted for Kodos


-->

So I recently picked up the new Nas album. It is a profoundly political album, even for an outspoken guy like Nas. He digs his heels in the sand, and really takes a stand against what he sees as the rampant injustice we have come to accept as the American way.

For me, he really hit the nail on the head with “Black President.” It is a song that is both personal and inclusive, and my immediate reaction to it made me realize what a personal crisis the prospects of this election have become. I've gone all in. I like to think I did the research, but the fact is my vote was cast long before this race even started. So when this song combined Barack Obama, John Legend, and a Tupac hook, I was pretty much floored. For better or worse Tupac is the preeminent messianic figure in hip-hop, and his inability to be tarnished is one of those things that will stay with hip hop forever. It also explains why there will always be new Tupac tracks. I was a late-comer to the magic of Tupac, too late, in fact, to fully appreciate the rapper while he was still alive. But, hey, cut me some slack; I was eleven.

It was the postmortem song “Changes,” that eventually brought me into the Machiavellian fold. In particular, it was the line “Though it seems heaven-sent, we ain't ready to have a black president.” I learned later that this line was actually lifted from the track “I wonder if heaven got a ghetto,” but the starkness of the lyric was nothing less than revolutionary to my young brain. The world I knew was rife with injustice, and one of the greatest injustices, to me, was not only that we were yet to see anyone but wealthy white male presidents, but that the prospect of anyone other than that taking the big seat in the Oval Office seemed less likely that a Tupac resurrection.

The inclusion of this lyric as the chorus had my attention. Further, using Barack's own voice brought an urgent immediacy. There are only two short clips of his voice used; a forceful cry of “Change the world!” and “They said..” There is no reason to ask who “they”, are, because we all instinctively know. Even my eleven year old brain understood that “they” were the ones who would never allow for any significant changes in my lifetime. “They,” are the voice of pessimism that damn our expectations before we can even form them.

Nas' song shows us that we've come farther, faster, than we had any right to expect. But with that progress comes the anticipation that builds with hope.

Soon, this race will end one way or the other. Depending on November 4th's outcome, my memory of this song will forever be either eternally inspiring or equally damning. Personally, this election has become the most significant time in the American narrative since September 11th, 2001. A generation's entire faith in the competency of the system hangs in the balance. So Election Day 2008 will either be one of my proudest, or most disappointed days as an American. There is no middle ground. There is no "Wait until next year." We are either going forwards or going backwards. There is no in between.

Nas' creative sampling and alluring snare brought out a lot of things I want to believe in. But it was actually not this particular song that I felt presented the most convincing argument in settling this matter. All in all, a song called Black President is nothing if not biased.

No, it was actually a song called "We're Not Alone." It is mostly about togetherness and stuff, but it also is kind of about aliens. All the sudden, I stumbled upon the greatest debate topic yet to be raised in this election:

Who would you trust more, if you knew we were going to-

meet aliens?

C'mon! This is a completely valid issue! Why it is a valid subject? We can almost definitely assert what the reactions of both candidates would be!

I promise I'll stop using so many exclamation points, I'm just loud. But lets just postulate how the situation would go down with either of the tickets sitting in the winner's circle.

It's 2012. In the midst of a huge democratic surge, John McCain is facing a second term loss, and Sarah Palin, the national darling of the New York Post and Rupert Murdoch affiliated media, has a 23% better approval rating than Mac. He's old, but not ready to retire.

And all of the sudden reports start flooding in from across the world. South Africa confirm reports of non-humans. North Korea begins insinuating that they have a strategic alliance with the maybe-off-worlders. It all begins to look and feel like the real thing.

And McCain is like What the FUCK?

Because John McCain would be absolutely fucking ripshit if this kind of thing went down and he wasn't ahead of the game on it. Heads would roll. He would be his edgy, ornery self, and finally, we would have to make contact. Assumedly, whether these aliens were malicious or charitable, they would surely be able to organize and try and minimize struggle, and be 'taken to our leader.'

Eventually, someone would have to have a sit down with the leader of the Free World.

McCain would be forced to go in totally blind, all pissed to hell, and not sure if there's a war to fight or if we're about to say hello to our spankin' new energy plan.

And don't forget, it is an election year, and Palin still has that approval rating... and the polls aren't looking good...

So one way or the other, we're going to war. Because A) they might be stronger than us, which would mean we would feel threatened and not know how to cope if we felt rivaled, or, dare we say, dominated B) imagine; there would have to be some sort of magic level super science power source for these aliens to get here. The greed? The need to secure that stuff for ourselves, and horde it just in case something bad happened to it? Like if someone took it without will of the law? Like we do?

There would have to be a war. Because everyone would know that Sarah Palin could be a fine hawkish president. There would be rumblings of how this was just like caribou hunting, leaving out that we could very well be the caribou in that situation. Even a seventy-six year old McCain is way too much of a solo maverick to be thrown out, forcibly retired, for the sake of his party, that he forever regretted placating to garner support in the first place? No way.

So yeah. We'd go to war with the aliens. Maybe we'd round up a coalition of the willing, but probably not. Anyways, I'm pretty sure we'd all be dead. And if Palin were president I think I'd want to be.

Anyway I don't mean to overstate it, but it just seems to me that McCain's temper, and history as a lifelong fighter, would force him to react aggressively, if only out of insecurity. It assuredly would be an insecure situation, and to all of the sudden not have the biggest guns would be extremely traumatizing.

Regardless, the McCain/ Palin White House is not one that fills me with confidence. Especially given the fact that their party has displayed nothing but incompetence during an eight year reign. Besides, McCain would have a heart attack as soon as they beamed him up.

Okay, so what is our other option?

It is 2015 and President Obama has just finished delivering an impassioned speech in front of the new United Nations building on the fucking moon. This is a special occasion, as it is the largest moon gathering yet, the first Lunar summit. Barack Obama has begged the world to invest in itself, and make this station viable population support to our bloated world. Dow is up 3000 points in a day, because investors are so confident that this will be the next sure thing.

But as he is finishing his speech, the room shakes, and all the sudden; mother fucking aliens.

I curse because, frankly, aliens are worse than monsters we make up. Monsters are mostly things that are human-ish. They play up some aspect of our own character. Aliens are the freakiest because they wouldn't necessarily have anything in common with us, we could only hope that they did. Anyways, getting back to it-

Aliens say blah blah blah, we're here on the moon because we knew there would be a shit-ton of your world's leadership. They either go "We're here to fuck shit up," or "Hey, we're cool, do this and we won't fuck shit up." Pretty much, it's one or the other.

How cool about this would Obama be? How many Independence Day jokes would he make?

The UN elects Obama to represent humanity in the negotiations. There are meetings, further summits, shows of strength, goodwill tactics.

We work with them. We assess their strengths, see what they have to offer, and determine their threat level, as well as our defensive options. Do we have the capacity to prevent them from doing anything? Do we have anything they want or need? Do we have a bargaining chip? Because I bet to shit they have some awesome power supply.

And all the sudden we're in business.

Like in every sprawling alien blockbuster, we would be united as humans, either against a common cause or greeting a new ally.

And I think we all know that Barack Obama would make a better leader in that situation.

The reason Hollywood types are against the McPalin abomination ticket, and for the ObamaNation nomination is that they know which movie you'd put each pair in. One would be about human incompetence and incontinence. The other would be about our potential, and maybe, the Audacity of Hope.

Look, I harbor no delusions that the scenarios I described were either fair or balanced. They where, however, culled via the narratives each campaign have presented. At the very core of their theses, the candidates put out two sentiments. McCain harps on the negative; on the dangers of inexperience, the threat of over-taxation, the prospects of imminent doom.

Obama takes a different stance. He paints a portrait of the world as it should be, of hope, of prosperity, of progress. All John McCain can do is point out the failings of man, while Barack reminds us of or potential.

This is not meant as a disrespect. McCain is merely a 20th century leader, and thus has only 20th century solutions. Aliens, globalization and world-flattening, and new energy are 21st century problems. We need an internet-savvy intellect with a grasp on what has caused the problems have plagued our past. We need a 21^st century leader, who has shown the ability to mobilize, communicate with, and lead this generation. There is no need to fear the problems of yesterday- we need to fear the problems of tomorrow.

That is the heart of the matter. Ultimately, this is a question about the future. It isn't so much about the problems we know how to face, it is about those unknowable problems we must steel ourselves for as we stare down the barrel of the 21st century, and how we determine America's role in it.

John McCain might have the previously established credentials to be President of the United States. But that is no longer good enough. You have to be President of the World. And that is a job that Barack Obama has prepared himself for.